Tantric massage: a healing experience

Laure, the incredible life coach and sexologue -who also participates in our Day of Well-being & Creativity- is sharing with us some knowledge about tantric massage and gives us tips on how to avoid a bad experience. Have a good read!

Most of us already heard about tantric massage. But do we know what a tantric massage really is?

In most people’s minds, this type of massage is linked to sexual pleasure. And even though sex seems to be everywhere – in articles, videos, discussions – it is still one of the biggest taboos of our society. However, in essence, a tantric massage should not include any sexual gesture.

When performed with total respect of the limits of the client, tantric massage can be an amazing experience. As a sexologist, I regularly recommend the use of therapeutical tantric massage as a parallel therapy to our sessions. Many of us are disconnected from our body, sensations, for different reasons : low self-esteem, culture, education, traumas… and consequences are often a lack of satisfying sexuality or even deep blockages. Reconnecting to one’s body can be a wonderful way of celebrating oneself and life.

Credit: Laurent Bacci vibratingtouch.be

 What is a tantric massage? What are its benefits?

Defining tantric massage is difficult, as each professional sees it differently. My understanding, based on extensive reading and discussions with professionals in the field, is that a tantric massage is a full-body massage, considering the body is a whole and should not be parted, thus excluding no part of it unless the client requests it. Its purpose is to recreate that unique link we should all have with our own sensuality and body, and possibly heal some of our wounds.

When described as therapeutic, it can help work on self-esteem, body image, letting go, emotional blockages, and traumas. Its aim is not the pursuit of sexual pleasure and it must not include any obvious stimulation of erogenous zones or any kind of penetration, under any circumstance and for any reason. An erection and/or sexual pleasure of the client may occur unintentionally as a result of a particular touch, but it is not a goal—neither for the client nor for the massage therapist. The client may be naked or wear underwear, as they prefer. The massage therapist may be lightly clothed or, in some cases, nude, but only if this is the wish of the client (not that of the massage therapist).

When described as erotic, the purpose of tantric massage is to lead the recipient to experience sexual pleasure, through external and/or internal stimulation of their erogenous zones (including intimate parts). Even if this is not explicitly stated, it is actually sex work (which in Belgium is decriminalised since June 2022). This can also be an interesting therapy, but the massage therapist must be transparent about the intentions.

Regardless of the type of massage, which should be clearly specified, the areas of the body that may be touched — both for the client and the massage therapist — must be precisely defined before the session, ideally in a written agreement, as verbal agreements are very frequent and often a source of problems.

What qualifications should tantric massage professionals have?

Because the profession is not protected, everybody can decide to work as a tantric massage therapist without any legal obligation. However, there are real risks of not being properly prepared.

Tantric massage therapists should undergo thorough training, including a deep understanding of consent, altered states of consciousness, and trauma. As of now, there is no official training for tantric massage in Belgium, and no certification holds real value. There is also no specific law governing the practice, which makes it relatively risky: what is promised does not always match what is delivered, and it is very difficult to distinguish abusers and unqualified practitioners from caring and professional individuals.

Am I ready for a tantric massage?

A tantric massage is a moment of let go. It implies trust and vulnerability.

If you are tempted by the experimentation, the first thing to check is that you are strong enough to say a firm NO (and possibly go away) if your consent is not respected. Difficulty to refuse something, make choices or take clear and efficient action are red flags.

Also consider your past: do you know of or do you suspect any sexual trauma? Are you emotionally stable or in a difficult period of your life? Do you take any treatment that impacts your emotional or physical reactions?

In all cases, make sure you are ready to react adequately if anything unexpected happens, so that you can safely let go into the massage.

Finding the right tantric massage therapist

Because there is a lot of choice and no real framework, finding the right specialist is tricky. Professional sexologists could be a good reference, as they usually work with safe therapists. In case you are not sure where to go, I recommend that you choose a woman (most abuses happen with men) and that you thoroughly check their references before you consider a session.

Be cautious if the therapist tries to convince you beforehand that tantric massage includes sexual gestures, as it does not unless it is erotic. Also note that fame or recommendations by non-professionals are not always a reliable indication. Abusive massage therapists exist, they know how to use the system to their advantage and choose carefully their victims.

Some practical tips

Ready to book? Here is a (non-exhaustive!) list of green flags:

·     Clear, authentic, and non-dogmatic spiritual approach (if any)

·     Clear info/vocabulary and honest answer to all your questions

·     Trained in tantric massage, consent, and trauma

·     No sexual or emotional intrusion, consent-sensitive always

·     Choice about your and the therapist’s level of nudity (if nudity is proposed)

·     Safe discussion about your boundaries and preferences

·     Written agreement stating the service and your expectations

·     No new types of touch are added during the session

·     Debrief after the session

Pay attention to the following that should trigger a red flag:

- before booking the massage

·     Promises of spiritual or sexual healing

·     Vague answers to questions, unclear framework, training, jargon or boundaries

·     Inappropriate behavior: flirting, insistent stares, uncomfortable comments

·     Offer or encouragement to use substances or stop a treatment

- just before the massage happens

·     Unclear, unsafe or isolated location

·     No clear consent on which body areas can be touched

·     Higher position making it difficult to decide for oneself

·     Pressure to fully undress

- during the massage

·     Tries to convince you that they know what your body needs

·     Pretends to unblock something through finger penetration

·     Unexpected changes compared to what was agreed upon before the massage

·     Refuses to accept a NO or to stop immediately when asked

·     Focus on performance or orgasm

Credit: Laure Bouquery

For a more detailed list of flags and more info about tantric massage in Belgium, check https://sexologue.brussels/les-bienfaits-et-derives-du-massage-tantrique/#flags (in French).

Remember. A tantric massage should always be a beautiful moment. If you are unsure where to go, do not hesitate to contact us.

Did you already receive a tantric massage? Tell us about your experience on our social media channels!

Hugs,

Laure

References

Something went wrong? Contact a sexologist or:

- info@sosviol.be (www.sosviol.be)

- https://cpvs.belgium.be (max 7 days after the abuse)

- cellules EVA (over 7 days after the abuse)

-Laure Bouquery, Life Coach and Sexologist, coachdevie.brussels